Sunday, 24 March 2013

Are there any principles governing our relationships?

I first thought of writing this blogpost , based on "I and Thou" of Martin Buber .But then , I found it too philosophical  and abstract.So , I opted for a simpler course of  writing on the basis of my experience.To those   readers who find this post simplistic, I apologize beforehand .But still , I feel that  what I write below does make sense to me.Whether we like it or not , we are individuals but we need other people.We need a few intimate relationships and we need a number of not-so-deep relationships(what is now  known as social capital).It is too complicated and somewhat mechanical   to enumerate any  principles  underlying these relationships .But I have experienced and observed that   relationships are the most important part of life , and it does us   no harm to reflect on a few  unifying principles .Theses can help us in saving lot of time  and unhappiness.In fact , these principles ,in many ways , define our attitude to the world , life and people.Here are the principles I find worth pondering about .The list is illustrative , and you are welcome to add to it or amend it .
1.Have no possessiveness in any relationship, personal or professional .Dont be jealous.
2.Have no expectation from any one , including friends. Be ready to be  dropped from any relationship .
3.Dont be intrusive in any relationship.
4.Never betray others .Keep their secrets.Never breach their trust.
5.Shed your ego in all relationships .Be humble .Dont be stubborn .
6.Dont criticise.
7.Dont be argumentative .Adopt a caring approach .Be tolerant .
8.Dont be selfish.
9.Dont be prejudiced.
10.Dont be judgemental.
12.Dont spread slander.
13.Dont give unsolicited advice.
14.Love with depth,dignity and desire.Work for elegance in relationships.Remain disciplined in relationships.
15Dont get easily hurt by small things, careless words of others .
 16.Never use words carelessly .
17.Never associate with careless people.
18.In case of doubt , attribute best motive to others.
19.Honour your words.
20.Practise no gender discrimination .Never practise harassment.
21..Say please and thank you .Be courteous.
22.Have an inclusion mindset.
23.Never keep people waiting , if they have fixed an appointment with you .
24.Remain self-effacing and low profile.
25.Practise malice towards none.
26.Give time to people.
27.Help in liberating talent of others.Inspire others.
28.Practise interdependence.
29.Be broadminded.
30.Co-ordinate and orchestrate.
31.Encourage others to be open to you .
32.Dont accept gifts from people  whom you donot know well.
33.Have a confidant.
34.Learn to present your case.
35.Be humorous and light-hearted.
36.Be invested in the growth of the other person to reach their potential.(Courtesy:Romy Mishra)
37.Seek and give the truth-esp. when it's not easy.(Courtesy:Romy Mishra)

Monday, 4 March 2013

Girl meets Boy by Ali Smith

 The novel is funny  and  deeply serious , at the same time .When I started reading it , I thought it was all about gay relationships .But it turned  out to be much more than that and grew on me.It puts across the  gender based issues in such a remarkable  style that the reader can only  admire Ali Smith  with awe and wonder .It retells Ovid's gender-bending myth of Iphis and Ianthe , as seen through the eyes of two Scottish sisters in modern times.This myth originates in Book 9 of Ovid's Metamorphoses.
                        The book successfully bends the gender barriers, as  here:"She had the swagger of a girl.She blushed like a boy.She had a girl's toughness.She had a  boy's gentleness.
                 It has a unique way of highlighting gender-based discrimination. " WHEN YOU SEE A WRONG ,WRITE IT"  .Like:
1.Across the world,two million girls get killed before birth or at birth because they were not boys .That's on record .Add to that the off-record estimate of fifty-eight million more girls , killed because they weren't boys.That's sixty million girls.
2.All across the world, where women are doing exactly the same work as men, they 're being paid between thirty to forty percent less.That's not fair .This must change.
3.Two million girls annually forced into marriage worldwide.
4.Sexual or domestic violence affects one out of every three women and girls worldwide and this is the world's leading cause of injury and death for women.
5.Women occupy two percent of senior management positions in business worldwide.
6.Three and a half percent of the world's total number of cabinet ministers are women.Women have no ministerial positions in ninety three countries of the world.This must change.
                            Ali Smith is too good with words.On water :Still waters run deep . In deep water.Won't hold water.Get into hot water.Head above water.Throw cold water.It is good to be goal oriented.It makes all the other things go out of your mind "Mobiles get in the way of us living fully and properly in the present moment and connecting properly on a real level, with people and are just another way to sell us short."
                                   I read the paperback edition of this novel of 165 pages in 6 hours.It is  lively , interesting ,lyrical full of  freshness.It deals with extraordinary  energy  myth, story-telling, sexuality , gender , feminism and relationships  in modern times .I recommend you to read it .